I know that we haven't spoken in awhile, and I hope you know that I have tried my best to stay away. But Friend, you must know, I am in anguish over your pain. You don't know how many times I have gone over my decision, over and over and over; reevaluating, looking at all the possibilities to see if I missed something or acted too hasty. I thought that discovering that I had made the right decision would ease my pain, but it did just the opposite. The fact that my decision was the right one is simply the worst. You see, because it was right for me, I can't go back and change it. I can't make it better for you. And oh how I wish I could! I feel so incredibly selfish to have done this to you, even if it was right...for me. I trust God and all that he has planned for both of us, but right now I am painfully hoping that someday we can speak again, maybe even laugh again. As I write this, my heart throbs with pain for you and tears well in my eyes; how I wish that we could talk again! Nights plagued with dreams of you only make it worse; you loathe me in every one and I awake in pain. And you might think that I deserve it...but why? Am I such a repulsive person to you for following my heart and God's direction? Would it have been fair for me to stay even though I knew, I knew that things had to end? Maybe what you don't know is that it took me a couple of weeks to gather the courage to finally do it. Because I wanted to find a different way; a different solution. Anything that would be the easiest for you. But finally, what seemed best turned out to be one of the most painful for you. I know you are sick of hearing me say this, but I hope you know that I only repeat it because it is so strong in my heart. I am so sorry to have caused you so much pain. Please know that I am praying for you and for further direction from God for both of us. I continue to think about you often and I pray that someday, we might be close friends again. You are one of the few people on this planet who know who I am through and through, and I hope that one day the thought of talking to, or even seeing me, ceases to cause you pain.
Wishing you every happiness,
your friend
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